Monday, August 28, 2017

Why Women Don't Respond to Online Messages: Insult Your Way to My Bed Part 1

Why Women Don't Respond to Online Messages
Remember that time someone asked a favor of you and then insulted you behind your back? If you’re like me, your next thought probably included an obscene word followed by a vow to never help this person out. Offense and resentment can work similarly in the dating world, where an insult is the best way to end a date prematurely or to prevent one from being arranged. Continue reading to find out why women don't respond to online messages.

Insulting Your Way to Her Heart... and Why Women Don't Respond to Online Messages

I had begun a conversation with Anthony from Tinder. Although Tinder is known as “Grinder for straight folks”—aka a hookup app—I’ve found enjoyable conversations with men there, even when
our desired outcomes differed. For the most part, some men who are interested only in hooking up are respectful or just end the conversation.

Well, Anthony and I began a fairly typical conversation with the “What do you do?” and “Tell me about your job” small talk. This led to a discussion about our plans for that specific day. No biggie right? Well, in the midst of this mundane conversation, Anthony asks, “Whatcha doing tonight?” Tonight being in the 10 o’clock hour after I had told him previously I was meeting friends for dinner. I can be forgiving of short-term memory and inability to scroll a few messages up. I repeated my prior plans of dinner and my current plan of reading in bed. The following is typed exactly as it was in our online conversation.

Anthony: “That sound boring there’s other things in bed I’d prefer to do.”

Me: <rolling my eyes after processing this man just told me I was boring> “Well, then go do them.”

Anthony: “OK what’s your address?”

Me: “I said go do them. Not come do them.”

why women don't respond to online messages

How Insults Won't Get You Laid

Sir, even if my va-jay-jay was begging me to invite a man over, what makes you think to insult me is the way to my bed? For Anthony’s information, sex starts in the brain. Literally, when sexual desire sparks, the brain sends messages throughout the body to prepare for sex (also known as the sexual response cycle) including blood flow to allow erection of the penis and swelling of the clitoris and vaginal lips as well as the start of natural lubrication. The brain also contains our memories, including emotional memories. When someone insults you, the brain registers this as an unpleasant experience and reminds you of such when you experience that particular insult or anything similar in the future! So, while Anthony has never insulted me in the past, the memory of other people’s insults immediately shuts down any hanky panky feeling I might have had talking to him. Anthony, looks like you might be blue balling yourself, buddy!

That's Not All Folks!

The insults keep getting better and better! Have you been insulted through a dating app? Share your story below! Want to know more about why women don't respond to online messages? Subscribe to the blog and be the first to find out as well as how "Heisaswellguy" might not be so swell after all! Part 2 of Insult Your Way to My Bed discusses how not responding to a message from a stranger is not ghosting.

In the mean time, check out these links for more information about the brain’s role in sex and the sexual response.

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Living with a Sex Therapist: What’s That on the Counter?

I know it’s been awhile since posting about Living with a Sex Therapist, but the BFF and I recently had a wonderful interaction that is a must-share! After several weeks of a male masturbation sleeve just sitting on the living room end table and no comment at all, the BFF sees my Magic Wand lying on the kitchen counter. 

This Wand isn't for Harry Potter

Before we get to his reaction and our conversation, let’s review the Magic Wand and why it is totally awesome. The Magic Wand is a ‘personal massager’ with intended uses for general muscle aches and soreness as well as sexual pleasure. Granted, a majority of its use is, more than likely, for sexual pleasure. However, not pointing fingers (or using them!), some may use it for muscle soreness after leg day at the gym! More about that to “come”….

Now, why is the Magic Wand so amazing? If you listened to the Let’s Talk Sex Podcast, Episode 16: “Your Mindset on Masturbation,” then you heard Magnus Sullivan educating us about the technology behind the Magic Wand. The Magic Wand was designed to allow clitoral stimulation without over stimulating the clitoris’s 8,000 nerve endings, an unacknowledged problem with some stimulation devices. Overstimulation can cause sensitivity to the clitoral head, which can lead to premature orgasms or even discomfort that makes continuing intercourse unpleasant. Yes, gentlemen readers, this happens to ladies as well! By reducing sensitivity and slowing stimulation, we get more time for play! Seriously, check out the episode to learn more, and check out the Magic Wand at

What's THAT on the Counter??

Back to why the Magic Wand was on the kitchen counter. As I said, the Magic Wand can help relieve muscle soreness, which I was experiencing after a great squat session. I figured, why not test it out on sore muscles? My Wand has a cord and needs to an outlet to function, and I needed a chest-high outlet for maximum reach. This is beginning to make sense, right? Well, after my research, I left the Wand on the counter to go look at shoes online (totally reasonable, right?). Half asleep, the BFF emerges from his room, walks into the kitchen and says, “What is that on the counter?” To which I respond, “A Magic Wand.”

“What does that do?”

“You use it to massage your back.”

He stands for a moment, shakes his head and just walks back into his room. After a second or two, he pops his head back out and says in a concerning yet hesitant tone, “It looks kinda…big.”

“Yes, it’s external.”

I receive a dumbfounded look for a brief moment while he is processing this information. Then, his face contorts with disgust (maybe?)and he goes, “Get that off my counter!” Hold up! He’s ok if a vaginal toy is on the counter, but not an EXTERNAL only toy??

Living with a sex therapist... the Magic Wand remains on the counter as I type this post.